lessons learned from living in texas
  1. goddamn, do texans have a sense of patience. an outrageous sense of patience. when it takes eleven hours to drive out of your own state, you learn to laugh in the face of time and distance.
  2. not enough space. there is never enough space anywhere else. texas is a fucking sprawl of land. 
  3. texans are cold anywhere but in texas. fact.
  4. the weather exists everywhere but in texas. rain is a myth concocted by the media elites or who-the-fuck-ever has to gain from bullshit like that. the only determinant in texas of temperature or climate or whatever heat index you fucking want to use is whether or not the ac is on.
  5. texans are friendly as fuck. we may have never been to el paso or houston or where-the-fuck-ever, but if you’re from texas, you’re family.
  6. we’re goddamn nuts. not in the sense that we tote around guns and ride fucking longhorns to school or that shit. but, hey, having once been an independent republic and fucking having rick perry (rick goddamn perry, what in the actual shit) as a governor and all that alamo shit tends to go to your head. we’re either filled with a deep rebellious spirit or we’re goddamn religious lunatics. we wreck shit up.
  7. we don’t take shit. family is basically the hallmark of a great civilisation - if you listen to the nutters here. that being said, we don’t like it when people give others flack out of intolerance. cut that shit out. we’re fucking mama grizzlies when it comes to our rugged cowboy~*~* sense of justice. the news’ll tell you that we’re all right-wing hooligans. fuck naw, those people are to texans what the westboro baptist church is to christians.
  8. texan accents. you want to know what a texan accent sounds like? stay up for forty-eight hours and then try tackling the english language. that’s a texan accent. it’s when you’re too lazy to give a damn about speaking.
  9. there are essentially four parts of texas. we have these weird goddamn stereotypes based on the four cardinal directions. north texas, south texas, east texas, and west texas. and then there’s the panhandle. aww, who the fuck gives a shit.
  10. public transport doesn’t exist. fuck, man. the only time i’ve ever used a cab or a bus in texas is at the airport. to get anywhere in this goddamn state you need to drive. that’s why we attach so much personal shit to our cars and pornographically decorate them with confrontational bumper stickers. it’s liberty on four wheels.

watching: les revenants
reading: a world of ice and fire
next convention: ctn expo | los angeles
working on:

dreamworks animation intern | ctn expo | currently in los angeles